I stand in the cat treat section of the pet store for a long time. I finally choose—along with Beli’s favorite Petrodex Dental Treats made with unspecified freeze-dried fish—“Tempting Tuna Feline Greenies Dental Treats” and “Real Meat Bites Venison Jerky Treats.” I have rejected treats made from or flavored like different parts of chickens, turkeys, ducks,* lambs, cows, salmon, and bison.
The “Tempting Tuna” treats contain no tuna, but tuna-flavored chicken meal. I won’t tell the cats this and ruin the illusion. They do love tuna, but an albacore tuna can weigh up to 133 pounds, a yellowfin over 400, and an Atlantic bluefin up to 990.
The last time my two cats were weighed, they were about 12 and 14 pounds, and I’m certain they would both run and hide from a chicken. Cuchulain once ran from a stuffed animal.
As I watch the cats chew their new venison jerky treats with gusto, I imagine them encountering a deer. I laugh at the image, and I laugh at myself and humanity, for the odd relationships we have formed with cats and the ridiculous decisions we have made about what we will pretend they find most palatable.**
And so I’ve added an entry to the running list I keep of companies it’s good I don’t have the focus, drive, or desire to start, because they’d fail miserably: a company that makes healthy, natural cat treats in flavors that make some basic sort of sense. Our initial line of flavors would include mouse, mole, house sparrow, moth, anole, and goldfish.
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* I myself do not eat poultry, even when I am in a non-vegetarian phase.
** Thankfully this post is not about what dogs find palatable.
